Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
