i was rollin on her like bob the builder
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
