I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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