i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
