i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
