i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
