evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You made out with two different species that night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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