dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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