Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
