Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
