Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You pole danced in your parka.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
