You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Congratulations! We have a period
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
