But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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