Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
