I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
