even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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