And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
