True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
