i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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