There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
