Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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