I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
