dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
