I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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