You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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