Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
