if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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