Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
