i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
