I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
