The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
