Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
