he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
