Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
