Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
