So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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