Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My balls are so social today.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
