my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
