I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
