I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
