Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
