I cockslap morals
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
