K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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