things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
