It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
