i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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