i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
