It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
