So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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