Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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