I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
