I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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