i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
