Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
