I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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