we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
