if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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