there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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