i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
