How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
