dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
